The unforetold flush of love...

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"I HIT A QUACK!"

The other night a rather odd incident took place on the outskirts of Fresno, it didn’t make the papers and to be honest it hardly resonates in my mind at this moment but I feel it should be noted. What is it that we place value on in this life? Money? Luxury items? Image? What about life in general? Or do you have a price for that too? A few days ago I was in the car when a, not the driver but still a part of the equation, when the car I was in struck a duck who had been curled up on the middle of the road. It was about 3am and we were on a road far from where traffic flowed heavily, so to say this was a “dumb duck” I think would be unfair. I mean, technically this was a classic example of suburbia hell moving onto the turf of animals who were still unfamiliar with the boarders that had, unbeknownst to them, been laid down right through what I’m sure was their usual habitat. Needless to say the duck died, despite our desperate attempts to rush the poor animal to the animal hospital, which if you can imagine was located at an unreasonable distance and the only one open at 3am.
This whole thing got me thinking though, what’s it all worth, our lives, where are we going. If a tree falls and no body is around to whiteness it, did it really happen? Or if a simple duck is struck down in its prime, by an outside force, does it matter? I know we can not compare the life of an animal with that of human, mainly because there are just so many opinions on whether or not animals even have souls but doesn’t it matter in some way. Isnt there some sort of butterfly effect, is there a point? If this little seemingly meaningless duck counts for not, in a universe so vast and majestic, then what could anyone of us ever hope to matter in the greater scheme of thing? Where are we going? And why aren’t we concerned about it now? I know we have religion but most religions are of the cafeteria sort where everyone is picking a choosing the bits they want and for good reason but nonetheless if this is the case then what the hell is the point? I have guilt over this duck… and who knows maybe its got a family out there that misses it. (don’t know the sex of the duck, didn’t check lol so that is why its being referred to as “it.”)….


The other night a rather odd incident took place on the outskirts of Fresno, it didn’t make the papers and to be honest it hardly resonates in my mind at this moment but I feel it should be noted. What is it that we place value on in this life? Money? Luxury items? Image? What about life in general? Or do you have a price for that too? A few days ago I was in the car when a, not the driver but still a part of the equation, when the car I was in struck a duck who had been curled up on the middle of the road. It was about 3am and we were on a road far from where traffic flowed heavily, so to say this was a “dumb duck” I think would be unfair. I mean, technically this was a classic example of suburbia hell moving onto the turf of animals who were still unfamiliar with the boarders that had, unbeknownst to them, been laid down right through what I’m sure was their usual habitat. Needless to say the duck died, despite our desperate attempts to rush the poor animal to the animal hospital, which if you can imagine was located at an unreasonable distance and the only one open at 3am.
This whole thing got me thinking though, what’s it all worth, our lives, where are we going. If a tree falls and no body is around to whiteness it, did it really happen? Or if a simple duck is struck down in its prime, by an outside force, does it matter? I know we can not compare the life of an animal with that of human, mainly because there are just so many opinions on whether or not animals even have souls but doesn’t it matter in some way. Isnt there some sort of butterfly effect, is there a point? If this little seemingly meaningless duck counts for not, in a universe so vast and majestic, then what could anyone of us ever hope to matter in the greater scheme of thing? Where are we going? And why aren’t we concerned about it now? I know we have religion but most religions are of the cafeteria sort where everyone is picking a choosing the bits they want and for good reason but nonetheless if this is the case then what the hell is the point? I have guilt over this duck… and who knows maybe its got a family out there that misses it. (don’t know the sex of the duck, didn’t check lol so that is why its being referred to as “it.”)….


it was this type of duck... and did not get run over by the tire and die right away, which probably would have been better. It looked like it had broken its neck and died as we tried to rush it to the animal hospital. : ( we have come to refer to the duck as ducky ....

Getting old, ain't it a b*tch...?!

I recently came into contact with a person I hadn’t seen in about six years. Its funny how time can change people, if it doesn’t get a hold of who they are and warp that slightly, it takes a tight grip upon their youth and exerts its power through taking the shine from their skin or the gleam out of their eyes. I experienced this yesterday; I saw the gray that had taken over the whole person that was my stepfather who I hadn’t seen in years. Granted he is only my stepfather in the sense that he is married to my mother, he had no hand in raising me or anything, but non the less he was a person who I knew well and who I knew when he was quite vibrant and full of color. My stepfather is a truck driver, something he said to me after I saw him for the first time and was unable to hold back my surprise at how he had aged, “Its not the years, it’s the miles.” He said this in his heavy Tennessee accent that anyone else who was unfamiliar with, would have no idea what he’d uttered, but having spent two years in Tennessee and am more than capable of understanding the thickest of accents from just about anywhere. More on the topic of getting older though, I got to thinking about “the miles,” that which can age us more than just the passing of time. Contributors to “the miles” would be children, debt, manual labor, death, serious injury, failures and even success;” it appears as though just about anything can make you age faster than perhaps you were intended to. Its amazing to think that from the moment that we are born, our internal clock begins to tick and from that moment on we are on a one way road that leads to the unknown but non less inevitable out come, death. We are all destined to die, even now I type my thoughts out for you and you read word by word, second by second, our body’s are continuously breaking down, we’re aging, completing a cycle that we have no control over, nor do we fully comprehend why or to what end our souls are racing towards. Although this isn’t a blog about the unknown and this isn’t a blog about death, I simply seek to draw attention to the present. Our current existence, which I personally feel I sometimes take for granted. My youth, when will it be my turn to look into a mirror and say “Where did the time go?” when will you find that you no longer can run a lengthy distance or take on a hard days hike. Everyday we have a new opportunity to cease the day, but do you?

2012

Honestly, I was terrified when I first heard about the prophecies that surround the year 2012. Prophecies of death and destruction, from very notable sources apparently, The Mayan’s and Nostradamus. Its going to be the end of the world they say… but you know after further research, I honestly don’t believe it will be the “end of the world.” You see the Mayan’s were exceptionally, ridiculously even, advanced when it came to astrology. They created calendars which still are 100x’s more advanced and accurate than even the calendar we use today. But just because their calendar ends in 2012 it doesn’t mean that the worlds going to end. First of all there is evidence that shows that they were attempting to continue their calendar but that, oh I don’t know, the complete obliteration of their civilization may have stopped that process. Also, the Mayan’s were a people who believed that life was full of cycles; everything eventually repeats its cycle. For example the cycle of any successful civilization is that it the civilization will first establish its self as such. It will thrive and prosper and then eventually it will fall for one reason or another, usually their downfall is due to their misuse of their resources, over population, corruption in their politics, and/or problems from expanding their reach further than they could actually control. Either way this is the way they saw things, and 2012 was just the end of another cycle, yes maybe hurricane or a massive earthquake is in order but for the most part I don’t know about all that hubbub balloo about the end of the world. I think personally if anything it’ll probably just be the end of America’s position as a world power, not that we haven’t been out of the running for that title for a while now but I truly think, if anything will happen, that’s what we might face. I mean if you really were to hear the Catunes (every repeated period of 20years which they made predictions for) , and the predictions made by Nostradamus they honestly sound much like a what we know today as a horoscope. Exceptionally vague and easily applied to a large array of events that take place in each segment of 20yrs, and that’s what I’ve found in both the predictions made by Notradamus and the Mayans. So do your own research, as for me I’m most worried about the economy getting worse and that (even though I have total faith that Obama is going to give his all to our country) its scary to think that 2012 is only in three years, just enough time for the effects of the things we’re doing today and our new presidential administration, to really begin to show. But we Shall see… any thoughts?!

photography (yeah still getting use to it)

this is their drummer practicing before their gig...













Me, Susy and Erica ...


You know for not knowing my way around my camera quite yet I think i did well. It was dark, my subject was moving ALOT!! So here are the shots, I don’t know how to edit quite yet so I really haven’t done anything to these images. They are literally straight from my camera, so don’t be to harsh. Oh and by the by the band is local for the Fresno, Ca. area and they are called "Subdue."


okay well those are for the most part my favorites, let me know what you think!! theres gotta be some photographers out there that have something to say, and dont worry about being to critical, just as long as its not nasty. And let me remind you, I’m still feeling my way around my camera and these were just the most difficult circumstances, movement and no light.. well dim lighting.. xoxo

The Fear…

The New Year is here and all those old hopes and dreams have, as per usual, begun to bubble to the surface. Every year like clock work, everyone gets this surge of energy, this “I can if I try this year,” attitude which sends them down the path of good intentions but inevitably, for the majority of us at least, we slowly begin to deflate in our enthusiasm, we fizzle out and then we’re done. This year hasn’t really shown any signs of being any different than the last 22 years of my life, especially when compared to the last 10 years where I was actually old enough to be aware of the magic that is a “New Year Resolution.” But, in stead of concentrating on my future goals this year I reviewed my past mistakes, mishaps anything that put me in the position to really feel like I needed a “change.” I’m a girl that’s use to change, no stranger to keeping just enough in my room that I could pack it all up and leave at a moments notice. That was me at least; I was also a good amount more confident and quite a bit surer of where I was going… But now, I’ve realized I was never really sure of where I was going, I just knew where I didn’t want to be and I’ve managed to stay clear of that place (which, if you haven’t picked up on this yet, this place that I don’t want to be isn’t an actual location, it’s more of a state of being). In this retrospection I’ve identified my biggest fear, which I’ve always had but had not yet realized was effecting my every decision. The fear of failure, I know, I know “but everyone is afraid of failure, Amy!” Well I gotta be honest I’m pretty sure this goes a little deeper than the quintessential “Oh what if I’m not voted best looking, or what if I lose my bundle in my investment.” Its like a black fog that’s exploded around me, ever since I witnessed my own mothers decent in to this haze I’ve constantly been playing it safe, even in my most intrepid moves I find myself holding on to the ledge, to afraid to jump in. Even when I’m over working myself, I find theirs a method to my strategically putting just enough on my plate, I do just enough in each of my classes, internships, work, art, that I always have the excuse that I’m spread to thin. Nothing is my best work because I never give all of myself to anything. Does this make sense; it made sense this morning. I’ve made a new resolution, its much like the Nike slogan, nope wait it is the Nike slogan, “Just Do It!” I suppose we’ll see how fare this new years resolution goes for me in 2009. If all else fails the worlds suppose to be ending in 2012 anyways so, who gives a shit right..?!

What I've Learned...

You can never ever truly know anyone. To even presume that you know a person in the entire sense of the word would be an exceptionally deluded ideal to proclaim. No, we never really know those inner thoughts that come into existence within the minds of others when all external distractions have silenced. One can only imagine what others conjure up in their minds by examining the inner layers that make up the frame of our own individual psyche. This is what truly rests just behind our lips, a deadly combination of secret crushes, true opinions and ambitions new and old, that never is meant to be heard.
No, we can only possess our own ideals and deeds, holding others to the same standards that we know we truly hold ourselves to. Hoping that we, as individuals, have filtered out all of the dirt that exists in abundance within society and that we are left with the precious few gems that that perhaps we are lucky enough to find.
Do we dare to say what our closest friends do behind closed doors? What thoughts of chaos pop into their minds at moments of random? We can only attempt to choose well. For if anything is certain, it is that absolutely nothing is certain. Time hands out no extensions and life will eventually find every one of us. So do not fear your moment, accept that it is inevitable and pray that your trust and love was not misplaced.