Saturday, December 27, 2008

What I've Learned...

You can never ever truly know anyone. To even presume that you know a person in the entire sense of the word would be an exceptionally deluded ideal to proclaim. No, we never really know those inner thoughts that come into existence within the minds of others when all external distractions have silenced. One can only imagine what others conjure up in their minds by examining the inner layers that make up the frame of our own individual psyche. This is what truly rests just behind our lips, a deadly combination of secret crushes, true opinions and ambitions new and old, that never is meant to be heard.
No, we can only possess our own ideals and deeds, holding others to the same standards that we know we truly hold ourselves to. Hoping that we, as individuals, have filtered out all of the dirt that exists in abundance within society and that we are left with the precious few gems that that perhaps we are lucky enough to find.
Do we dare to say what our closest friends do behind closed doors? What thoughts of chaos pop into their minds at moments of random? We can only attempt to choose well. For if anything is certain, it is that absolutely nothing is certain. Time hands out no extensions and life will eventually find every one of us. So do not fear your moment, accept that it is inevitable and pray that your trust and love was not misplaced.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Whitest Christmas...

Although I obviously appear of the Caucasian persuasion, I am actually of Hispanic descent. This always has created a conflict with in me as I try to hold on to what I do know of my culture and yet adhere to the culture that I am most familiar with, which is less of a culture and more of a lifestyle devoid of culture but instead held together by a strict set of principles and policy. But that’s America for you… So I’ve never felt out of place among a group of Caucasian people and I’ve never really felt out of place among a group of Mexican people, though most of the time I clearly look different than most of my Mexican counter parts. I do have blue eyes and that really doesn’t help, but for the most part I am surrounded by people who happen to be Mexican, such as my family and friends. So in short, I’ve never been in a situation where I felt out of place because of who I was ethnically. Most of my friends have often talked about experiences where they were the only person who was clearly of an ethnic background (due to their darker skin tone) and how they felt so out of place and what not but not me. Until now, this last Saturday I accompanied a close friend of mine, lets call her Sandy, I went with Sandy to a small “White Elephant” party that was generally going to consist of her co-workers from a local law firm.
Sandy had often talked about the tense atmosphere that existed at her place of employment due to political differences and very limited minority representation. Sandy is Mexican by the by. I never really had understood her situation, until I stepped into the exceptionally polished home of her mousy coworker and viewed the Stepford like collection of women that sat upon the newly furnished Ethan Allen couches that filled her coworkers home. I was honestly floored by these women who each represented a sort of Victorian age where the women sat around stitching images of kittens into clothes and babbling about the wonderful selection goodies they’d each brought for the occasion. Don’t get me wrong they did seem for the most part like nice people and like every other party in which coworkers all gather together, there was the person who drank to much, the exceptionally outspoken, almost crude person, the quite person who seems nice enough but suspicious all at the same time and the darling host who you love to hate.
My point is that I for the first time felt what many of my friends and family felt, out of place. Even though I looked like I could more or less be white it was like these women were exceptionally white, super white if you will and that I am not and neither is Sandy.
At the end of the evening I had a fully stomach and a smile on my face but it still bugged me that of Sandy’s coworkers she was the only one who was clearly of ethnic decent. Yes, we can argue that everyone has some sort of ethnic background, but I guess I’m generally referring to people of color, browns, blacks, caramels and the likes. This was a room of lawyers for the most part, office assistants and paralegals and I’m proud to see women in general in such highly esteemed positions but perhaps its not enough for just one particular type of women to have risen to such heights. Maybe this is just the Women’s Studies that I’ve been reviewing but how is it that in one office out of what appears to be about 20 women, only one of them is clearly of ethnic decent, in the terms that I speak of, and only one other appears to have some sort of ethnic hint to her but that’s about it. I suppose I could go on an talk about the serious issues in poverty among ethnic families and effects this has on education and lifestyle but I shall not bore you with this, not just yet anyways… what do think… ?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Finals ....





















As a college student there tends to be so many different factors constantly riding on me that I hardly can differentiate one obstacle from the next. Truth be told, most days I just wake up, make myself look half decent and walk out the door with the idea that I can handle anything as long as caffeine infused products such as Mountain Dew still exist on the same continent as me, then there’s finals. Finals literally take place the last week of school, although I consider the last two weeks all one big clump of final angst. The first week is when, as a college student, all of our projects, papers, and presentations are due and then there are finals. Standing in between the sleep deprived student and a restful vacation.

                   As of about 30 minuets ago I completed my last final, IM FREE! Free to just stare at the wall, read, paint on my own time and possibly work off some of the weight I’ve put on from the usual unhealthy eating habits that always develop as the time begins to narrow and my exams creep closer and closer.  UGH, and two of my professors didn’t give out study guides, they might as well have said “Merry Christmas and Fuck you…” but that’s done with time to concentrate on Christmas. Another reason why finals in December are made extra super duper special and this year I’m really feeling the commercial push, nay, shove to get out there and “shop, shop, shop!” I hate that the smaller children in my families are growing up on video games and vial cartoons. The makers of the cartoons of today don’t even bother to be subtle their to caught up in trying to entertain both the parents and the children that they forget there needs to be some sort of restrain exercised as far as the cartoons content is concerned. For example, I do love this cartoon called “The Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy,” I love cartoons, but the basis of this cartoon is that two children, one that encompasses the cynical personality of a 40 year old educated yet jaded woman, and the other whom I fairly sure is mentally handicap. These children some how gain the Grim Ripper as their eternal slave and thus they have all sorts of kooky adventures all based on these foundations, funny as hell to me maybe, but not something I want my nephews and nieces to see. Look it up on Youtube, let me know what you think? 

(oh about the photos one is an image of that cartoon i was talking about, the other is me and my friend Susy at 4 am still working on presentations and essays in one of the computer labs at State. Fun, Fun!)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Everything that has nothing to do with anything ..

For the most part I have no idea why I’ve created a blog, other than the fact that it’s quite possible that I do like to write, express my opinion and in turn learn what others think about it and their thoughts on similar matters. Although right now I should most definitely not be writing, I should be studying for my Final which is scheduled for 8pm tonight. Further more, my exceptionally smug professor decided it would be fun not to give us a study guide, even though we’ve not taken notes in class since our last exam leaving us, the students, to review at the very least 3 months worth of text, which of course I hadn’t touched until today.
I have an easy job though, I do nothing except for when I’m doing something; which probably doesn’t make sense to those of you who don’t know what I do for work but I don’t think revealing that which I do online is a good idea. Lets just say, when I actually have something to do at work, I’m dealing with people and thus must give them my full attention. When there are no people for me to attend to I have a computer with internet access in front of me, and way too much time to explore.

Opinions though that’s what I’m after, and particularly I’m wondering what people have to say about love. I know, I know can I pick anymore of yuppie subject to be the topic of my very first blog but it is what’s on my mind. Okay so here’s the question, what happens when you’re in a relationship and you think you may have lost the “Oomph!” in your relationship. Perhaps, you separated by a certain distance for set amount of time and this obviously doesn’t help because how is one suppose to make a fair decision when the party in question isn’t even around to even try to right the situation. Further more, just because you’ve possibly lost the “Oomph!” does that mean you don’t really love them anymore, or perhaps they’ve now slipped into the “better off as friends” category? I’m even confusing myself, please, if someone out there has advice on this sort of fickle topic let me know what your think…